Phuket
Loved it. Very nice beaches and the Koh Phi Phi Islands were well worth the 1.5-2hr ferry trip out to them. Would go back again and again.
Pattaya
This place kept me fully entertained at no cost to me. Beaches were nice but people have littered in the water too much to really enjoy that part of it. Don't get so wrapped up in visiting Bangkok that you miss out on this gem!
Bangkok
I was definitely not expecting Bangkok to be what it was. It surpassed those expectations. There is a lot to do for little money, and a lot of culture to be found without living in the slums. By the way, differing from common depictions, Bangkok is not all made up of congested, apartment-style living units with cluttered clotheslines, loud outdoor kitchens, multi-colored cloth awnings hanging across alleys, surrounded by merchants smoking cigars. There are those parts--I don’t deny it. And you can find those outdoor kitchens without looking for them. (They just pop up everywhere. People literally throw some tables and chairs out, call themselves a restaurant and pack up at the end of the day. FDA!!!) But it is a city just like any other with certain areas favorable to tourism, nightlife, shopping, upscale living, and of course, dirty hoods.
Thai Massage
These massages are unique. They really do hold onto bars from the ceiling, walk all over you, stretching, twisting and tangling your body while they work. Their main selling point is that they emphasize pressure point stimulation. Sometimes the combination of all of this offers a sweet pain, but like I said, it is sweet. Sports therapists need to get wit’ it and incorporate these Thai techniques into the treatment of their athletes if they haven’t already. It's not quite as relaxing as Balinese massages but effective, all the same. Did I tell you that in Bali they sometimes offer to massage your boobs? (I plead the fifth.) And one more thing about Thai massages: The stories are true. They will sex you if you are a man—I didn’t incite any offers—for a little extra honey. Some even seemed like they would be willing to pay you to let them have their fun. Some masseurs were very professional and spiritual, others giddy, talkative, or a little too comfortable with their sexuality. There is never a shortage of entertainment in this country. Long live Thailand!
Here I am, nice and relaxed after my last Thai massage.
Beaches
Beautiful. Very good water clarity. Turquoise water and (some white) sandy beaches. A lot of them were severely over-crowded with people and umbrellas for rent, so avoid those spots if you can. Other places were too crowded with refreshingly confident senior citizens sporting speedos and thong bikinis (Pattaya).
Bird Crazy
Angry Birds is an insane craze, here. There are t-shirts, slippers, key chains, speaker systems, stuffed animals, towels, playing cards, virtual worlds (each bird has a name and personality), etc. All of Asia has fallen prey to this epidemic. I started to really notice the damage in Singapore and it made its way up the coast. Wear your surgical mask (as many, many Asians do) to keep the virus out of your system!
Shopping
Thailand had no shortage of shopping opportunities. In fact, I found it to be too overwhelming and caught a case of performance anxiety. I only purchased three things on my trip: a scarf, a pair of contoloupe (not sure how to spell that one) pants, and my portrait. Overall, everywhere had a lot of cute styles with a nice variety but everything was cheaply made. Prices are good enough but you have to do so much haggling that you start to wonder if it’s even worth it! I didn’t put any emphasis on this because of the lack of quality and the general rule of every shop owner that ‘one size fits all’ (AKA, size 0-4), which clearly excludes my royal thickness. Skirts and tops were too short, pant legs barely got up past my knee before getting stuck, and I didn’t even bother glancing at shoes because I already knew the deal. But while I wasn’t glancing, I did notice a lot of really cute and original styles!
Insects
Mosquitos are tearin’ my butt up! Everywhere in Asia has been bad. I’m in the airport right now getting eaten up for no good reason. Constant irritant. And I can’t be certain, but something else has been nibbling at my ankles and shins. Ants? Something in the ocean? It will remain a mystery. Unless I die. In which case, someone should call for an autopsy.
Strange little facts and observations about Asia:
White is right
Asians apparently strive to be fair-skinned. I purchased some lotion and after using the entire bottle I read the only part that was written in English:
"Skin Whitening Lotion. Use daily to lighten your complexion and give you a fairer skin tone.”
All of the lotion in stores was either, “skin lightening”, “skin brightening”, or “skin whitening”. WOW. I really set myself back with that one. I had a nice tan going from being at the beach, too. But that’s history now.
Desperately digging for gold
I saw too many Thai people to count with their fingers stuck up their noses. The thing was, they weren’t trying to hide it. The worst was a go-go dancer all skimpily clad outside of her club trying to solicit patrons while going at it. They weren’t completely without shame, though. Not once did I see someone put that finger it in their mouth. *Light applause*
Dumbfounded
There are so many variables to this equation that I have to assume there are multiple answers. But the problem is that we were the locals’ main attraction all day everyday. I get the Foreigner thing but we weren’t the only foreigners, though we were the only foreigners walking under a constant spotlight. People were taking photos around us and pretending to be taking them of something else even when it was obvious that as the backdrop, we were the focal point. Most stared, some laughed, others pointed, some gave the ‘once over’ look, fewer took photos, some actually gaped with a confused look on their faces, and almost everyone noticed. I just walked tall and confidently with a smile on my face and took it as a compliment. (Hey! No one asked your opinion.)
I’ve gotta go, bad!
Not sure if this was strictly for my entertainment or what, but throughout an entire mall in Bangkok (Siam-something) all bathroom signs looked like the one above my head in this picture:
Bigfoot
I warned you that these Asian dudes are creepy with the claws but it wasn’t until I saw this kid playing RockBand at an arcade in Bangkok that I realized their feet weren’t exempt from the horror.
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