Harassed to the Max

Bangkok, Thailand

In lieu of playing the tourist, today I rode around town in a Tuk Tuk. These are just motorcycles with a covered cart attached to them. Their operators drive like crazy people and overcharge but I wanted to experience this unfamiliar form of transportation.

Tuk Tuk drivers had this promotional thing going where they would take you around to a few landmarks for very cheap but you had to stop a few places for them, too (of course, because everyone wants something). They got fuel stipends from travel agents, jewelry crafters, and tailors for bringing tourists to their places of business. We went along with the gimmick.

Here are a few snippets of ridiculously entertaining conversations that were had today as a result of us declining to make a purchase in different scenarios:

Scene 1: Refused Taxi...

Local: “Do you have 20 baht?”

Me: “No.” (Not a lie—my bro had it)

Local: “Ah! You come Bangkok with no money?!?! You STUPID!” Walks off.

Me: Laughs

Scene 2: After being schemed/forced into going into a tailoring shop...

Me: “I don’t want to buy a suit today.”

Local: “Ah! You shouldn’t shop at places like this,” look of disgust, “you too cheap.”

Me: Laughs (what else do you expect?)

Scene 3: After being hounded to go to a massage parlor and going inside for a look at the facility, I returned outside...

Me: “I don’t want one right now but if I do come back at all it won’t be for about two hours. I’m going to check out some other places, so I’m not sure yet.”

Girl harassing me: “Okay see you later!”

Later, as I am walking past the shop

Girl: “Okay, you come now!”

Me: “No. I’ve decided against it.”

Girl: “Why you say no?!? You, Liar!”

Me: Laughs

Scene 4: After agreeing to be a part of a scheme to go into another shop, was told the item I truly sought was unavailable but instead of letting us leave right then, a sales pitch was thrown to sell a tailored suit...

Me: “I’m going to look at other places that were less expensive.”

Local: Bitterly, “Why you didn’t just leave when I told you we no have? Why you waste my time?” and, “I think you’re still students. I think you need to go back to school. You have no knowledge. You need knowledge. You don’t have enough. You have a lot to learn.” Goes outside and spits on the ground.

Me: “Okay, thank you!” Laughs. P.S. - We're definitely not students. I took care of that paper years ago. But I should probably relay this message to my alma mater.

I could have said so much more or even pulled a Pretty Woman scene by flaunting the especially green bills in my possession (they feign for American money and I was SO tempted but that would be asking for trouble and add to the arrogant stereotype that Americans hold so dearly) but I took the high(er) road because I couldn’t stop laughing! That pissed them off enough. I thought about pulling out a wad of cash and saying to my bro, “He’s right. We should take all of this money that we don’t know what to do with and use it to pay for more schooling. We need the knowledge.” What do they expect? They are scheming and I’m onto their game. No one actually asked to be taken to a tailor! That is a pretty specific niche to be pushed into, unrequested. They might as well have taken me to an auto parts store for all of the relevance these shops had. Being pushy gets you nowhere with me. I'm Ayers Rock when I need to be.