Let's Go, 2012!

I have a good feeling about this one. Twelve is my number!

I'm headed to the casino on the beachfront and plan to reign in the new year with some cash in my pockets, fireworks in the sky, a smile on my face, and positive visions of the future. Wishing everyone that I know and Love a very Happy and Blessed 2012. Don't wait for a new year to fix something that you find broken; You never know what tomorrow might bring!

UPDATE: That whole 'cash in my pockets' thing didn't really pan out.

Interview With The Crocodile

Crocodylus Park

Darwin, Australia

I finally went to Crocodylus Park, a big tourist attraction here in Darwin. It has different Australian wildlife and is a croc breeding farm. I got to feed a 500kg (1100 lbs) croc a raw steak dangling from a pole! I was taunting it...to draw out the occasion. What can I say? I live on the edge.

No, seriously–he's real. And he's HUGE.

Kangaroo time!

Emus

I also held this baby croc. It caught me off guard because it wasn't hot-blooded at all and it felt moist but not wet. I'm not a fan of reptiles or creepy crawlies so pardon my ignorance. It was perfectly still for everyone else but as soon as I handled it, it started squirming to get away and I briefly contemplated simply dropping the thing since it was stronger than it looked. Did I play it off well? My terror, that is.

Baby crocs are still crocs so that makes me a badass!

Older and Wiser

Thanks for the Birthday Wishes! My 26th year started on a good note thanks to great family, friends, food, beautiful weather, and a winning night at the casino! Seeing as I am a day ahead of America, it was the longest birthday I've ever celebrated ;)  Oh, shout out to Ryan D. who is joining me in the ranks of "more than a quarter of a century young" today–Happy Birthday!!!

A few more observations and common Australian phrases:

This avo
This afternoon

First in, best dressed
First come, first served (IDK why. This is a total lie.)

I'm not fussed
I'm not pressed

I can't be bothered
I don't care

She is such a Sook
She complains a lot (sulk)

Faaaar Out!
No equivalent. This is just an overly-used interjection.

Oi!
Used for: "Hey", an expression of disbelief, or to grab attention

Yous
Used when referring to 'you' and someone else (you all)

You mob
All of you (any group is a 'mob')

Garage or shop
Gas station

Theater
Surgery/Operation

Doctor's Surgery
Doctor's office

Good on Ya!
Good work/Good for you

How ya going?
How are you doing?

G'day 
Hello (good day)

Video clip
Music video

Bench
Counter (top)

Eskie
Cooler

Road signage:

Give way
Yield

Overtake (Stay left unless overtaking)
Pass (Right lane for passing only)


I'm headed to the beach for a workout and a swim. More to come!

Weekend Trip

Went down to Melbourne this past weekend and got back last night. Although brief, the trip was just the right length of time. I walked around downtown, rode different types of transit, came up at the casino, shopped, and took in the sights. Saw some pretty cool architecture down there. The flight back laid over in Sydney and I got a birds-eye view of the bridge and opera house. I hope I'll make it back there to get up close and personal!

Galactic Encounter

Because I cannot possibly describe it, I don’t think I’ll even try. But just know, that while I was out camping in a remote village this last weekend, detached from any and all artificial light, I saw the Milky Way. It was surrounded by more intense stars than I’ve witnessed in all my life. I felt so monumentally insignificant–it just swallows you up. It’s beyond words. You’ll have to experience the view yourself it in order to understand what I fail to communicate. 

Strange Habits

Australians don’t use napkins. Ever. Like, never ever. They use their hands to wipe their faces and proceed to wipe their hands on their clothes. I've seen a bunch of times where there is no wiping at all, just food and juices dribbling down chins. On top of this, their personal space bubble is much smaller than what I'm used to in America. Oh, and apparently talking with your mouth full is of no consequence here, even within that intimate bubble. Spit in my food once, shame on me for letting you invade my bubble. Not gonna happen twice. Hence, the reason I like to eat alone.

They drink pretty much everything out of a mug (hot or cold) and they drink hot drinks all day long. Tea. Never sweet tea or iced tea—hot tea. They like to drink what they call Milo in the afternoons. This is basically hot chocolate, but it is less sweet and more chalky tasting. The kids go crazy for it. The temp is 85 degrees and they beg for Milo! Coffee isn’t such a big deal as tea, but it is all instant. Powder to mix in hot water. Ew.

Bread is a staple—though I’m not sure if this is mainly an Indigenous thing. They take two slices of white bread and butter them, then put any-damn-thing between the slices and it’s a go. Yesterday I was served a peanut butter and butter sandwich. There was more butter than peanut butter... I’m still not okay with having eaten that. Another time it was a chip (AKA fries) and butter sandwich—Not as bad as it sounds. Breakfast is pretty normal except that they don’t do oatmeal or cream of wheat or grits. They do porridge. It’s not bad. Reminds me of Goldilocks and the Three Bears every single time. But they will slap some baked beans or spaghetti on bread for breakfast in a heartbeat. Bizarre.

Nasty Cane Toads

So, there is some real life story behind these nasty things. Disclaimer: I’m purely going on hearsay (and most people around here lie, exaggerate the truth, and provide unverified information as fact) so Google it for authenticity. 

Cane toads are a species of toad that flood the ground at night and secrete poison from glands on their backs. My understanding is that they were genetically modified specifically to kill off certain snakes in the Southern part of Australia but that their population got out of control and they spread across the continent like wildfire. They now kill everything that attempts to eat them. No bueño. Needless to say, they are in Darwin. Heads up to any serious PETA sympathizers: Don’t read on. 

There are these things called Cane Toad Hunts that people actually get paid to host. Don’t waste your money. There are plenty of them all over the place–just pick your weapon and go to town! I was skeptical at first...then I saw how many of them there are everywhere, how disgusting they are, and how they have no respect for privacy (all up in the bathrooms). That was about the time that I grabbed the 2 x 4 and teed off. From the woooooood, to the wall! Splat. 

Cause of death: gravity

Lots of people will catch and freeze them in their personal freezers but that’s gross and no fun. Plus, they supposedly need to stay in the freezer at least 24 hours or they won’t actually die. If you run over one, it will expel its stomach lining out of its mouth in order to sustain the impact, then suck it back in and go on living. If you run over one and hear a 'pop', then its a goner. They are resilient little things. I’ll give ‘em that. My brother impaled one with a mango and I must say: it was masterful. He used to be a baseball pitcher and it showed.

Crazy Lady

Forward note: You have to believe me, because I cannot possibly make this stuff up.

To quickly set the background, let me just announce that (I somehow forgot to mention) I can now drive a stick/manual! And I can do it from the right side of the vehicle, while driving on the left side of the road, and shifting with my left hand (did you get alla that?). Oh yeah, and I can do it in a 40 ft bus. TOOT, TOOT! Yes, that was my own horn. I had to learn because that is basically the only type of transmission driven here and in order to transport students, I needed my Australian bus driver's license.

And this newly acquired skill is where my story begins. I work with someone who is known to be particularly unstable and entitled (with zero merit). Although no one cares much for her, I try to be cordial and inclusive to elicit a softer side from her. In the past, I've been successful but just recently, I threw in the towel.

She accused me of assault! If I weren't on foreign soil then I might've found this to be more amusing. To make a long story short, she asked if she could drive the bus and I told her that she couldn't because she is unlicensed (and insane–but I left that part out) and it was against policy. I offered to drive and she could observe. She literally ran outside, jumped in the driver's seat, buckled up, and refused to move (she knew that I needed to take the bus to pick up students at that time)! I asked her to get out. She argued for a while and then eventually got in the passenger seat.

On the drive, she started screaming at me and calling me a b*tch for not allowing her to practice driving. I suggested we refrain from speaking to each other on this drive due to the tension, and turned on the radio. At this point, she started to smash her fists all over the control panel and yell at me! I started to pull over simply because I didn't know if she was going to yank the wheel. Then she took out her phone and started dialing...her husband, the school principal, and the police! While she did this, she began to fake cry. Fake, as in, her voice went up 10 decibels and she began to audibly sob like a child throwing an attention-seeking tantrum. Her complaint was that I was "driving like a crazy person" and that I verbally assaulted her by singing along with the radio. (I kid you not. Verbatim: "She is singing so loud to the radio–she is trying to drive me crazy!" Really? I was 100% minding my own business and driving responsibly.)

In the end, she threatened that her husband was "going to deal with me". The police actually did show up but they never approached me. They should have fined her for wasting taxpayer's money. I never saw that husband of hers. Now might be a good idea for me to figure out where the American Embassy is located....?

It's Official: I'm A Workaholic

So, I got a third job today. It involves working with troubled teens on a one-on-one basis. You work 12-hour shifts in their personal environments because these kids sadly have no family to look after them and require round-the-clock supervision. I take on shifts as often as possible when I'm not scheduled at the school or the water park.

Just know that I'll be working this role for the extent of my stay in Darwin but that I'll be hesitant to share the experiences (because they're kids). I'll find a way to sum things up eventually. As for now, I'm just hoping to be able to make a positive impact in their lives.

And Another One Bites The Dust

I witnessed a snake swallow and regurgitate a cane toad today… Probably not the best decision that snake ever made. 

Pretty sure today was its last day. The way it jerked off after its change of heart looked a bit too spastic for recovery. 

Open Water, Clear Sand, and Genitals?

I happened upon a nude beach today. I didn’t even know it existed until I existed on it. It's strange how I was the one feeling awkward being there when I was the person actually wearing clothes! It's also a much less entertaining scene than you'd think; given the overwhelming population of nude beach-goers over the age of 55. It wasn’t very populated, but the beach itself was great! Just beach. No buildings. No disturbances. The sand was super soft and the beach was wide and long. There were so many crabs (pun!). They were smaller and mostly just scrambled away as I approached. But they dig out holes in the sand and leave behind hundreds of perfectly scooped little balls of sand. Hadn’t seen that before. Wish I'd taken a pic.

I'm a Certified LifeSaver

I got a second job as a lifeguard at a waterpark that pays $22.00 per hour and always has free admission. Who can say no to that? I figure that I can pick up shifts here when I am off at the school. 

In order to qualify for the job, I had to take two lifeguarding courses that took place over two weekends. Some of the training involved timed swimming tests...let me tell you something about swimming laps when you haven’t done anything athletic in about 2 years and are not even 4 months off of knee surgery: it wears you out! My first test was freestyle, 200 meters in 6 minutes. My time? 6:00.10. Count it! No way was I doing that again over a dang millisecond. I was the last to finish, but I finished. And even though I almost wanted to, I didn’t vomit all over the grass when I was done, like some other people. 

The tests requiring you to swim out and haul people in were easy for me. I came in way under time. But the last test was survival strokes and that was the one that really got me. 400 meters in 13 minutes, broken down as follows: 100 meters freestyle, 100 meters backstroke, 100 meters sidestroke, 100 meters breaststroke. And your head cannot go beneath water on strokes. I thought 13 minutes was a long time, until I finished my first try in 14:06! It turned out that other people weren’t doing the proper strokes and they were getting better times. I didn’t want to cheat myself, so I gave it another go staying true to the strokes…13:25! Damnit! Better but not enough. I was sucking some serious wind. It was the first time that I’ve ever been in a pool and have been aware of the fact that I was sweating! My freestyle was killing me. I got a few tips from the instructor on how to get more out of my techniques and on my third try, I passed! 12:41. Huge improvement. Yay, me! Now I’m all certified and official, just like my Mommy was back in the day! I start work at the waterpark tomorrow. If I only knew then, what I know now…I might’ve been the one to save that man’s life at Litchfield!

Public Transit and CPS

So, I rode the public bus for the first time in Australia. As I sat at the bus stop waiting, a woman pulled up in a dingy minivan and came to a screeching halt in the bus lane. Her passenger door flies open, liquid drips out of the open door, and...SMACK! She slapped the crap out of the back of this little girl's head (she couldn’t have been older than four and was sitting in the front passenger seat)! Apparently the child had spilled a cup of liquid on the floor of the van. The woman then proceeds to shout, “you stupid f*cking b*tch! I knew you were gonna do that! Get the f*ck out of here!” (Shoves girl in the back as she is climbing between seats to the rear of the van.) “You stupid little c*nt! Look at this sh*t! You’re such a B*TCH, you know that?” A passenger who was waiting at the bus stop with me jumps in, closes the door, and the driver looks forward and says more to herself than anybody, “little f*cking b*tch!” and puts the pedal to the floor.

Did I really just see that? The girl looked unfazed by the whole thing (no tears, no reaction at all, really). I'm sad for the world right now but mostly for that little girl :(

Language Barriers and Other Observations

My time here never ceases to beg the question, "why?" when dealing with Australian lingo and customs. It's a daily struggle. Let me fill you in on a few 'like' terms and other goodies:

Australian / American

• Power point / Electrical outlet
• Chewie / Gum
• Petrol / Gasoline
• Sauce / Ketchup
• Plaster / Band Aid
• Kimbies or Knappies / Diapers
• Knickers / Underwear

• Every gas station is Pump first, Pay last.

• Most shower stalls don’t have doors or curtains.

• Bath tubs are scarce.

• Napkins are basically non-existent.

• Rarely will you find ice in drinks.

• They have no 1 cent piece but still charge prices that suggest otherwise. No pennies! $1.99 soda cost $2. Again, WHY?

• Their $1.00 and $2.00 currencies are gold coins. No bills until $5.00. Money is colorful and plasticy. You can literally wash these bills.

I'll add more to this, I'm sure. Too many anomalies to remember!

World-Class Hospitality

Have I mentioned how nice Australians are? I'd heard otherwise, so maybe this is restricted to the Northern Territory, but everyone here has been amazingly sweet.

The people I've met are always offering to take me places, to cover my meal expenses, and to be included in their social gatherings. They don't even know me and they are being accommodating! When I try to repay the favor, they are insistent that I don't–and I'm not talking about that whole back-and-forth thing that Americans do, you know the one:

Him: "Oh, no. Put your wallet away. I've got it."

Her: "Oh, you don't have to do that!"

Him: "I know, but I want to."

Her: "Are you sure? Cuz really, I can get it."

Him: "Absolutely. I've got this."

Her: "Okay, thanks..." (she says this with an unsure and appreciative tone but is actually thinking, "Oh, GOOD! I didn't mean I word I just said. I just wanted to seem thoughtful."


Australians genuinely just want to be good people. Nothing in return.

Litchfield

Litchfield National Park

I went to Litchfield National Park today! It is a big tourist (and local) attraction that has a bunch of different watering holes to hike around and swim in. We went to Bhuley Rock Hole and Florence Falls. I went cliff jumping from approximately 2.5 stories high. Not my biggest feat but considering how cautious I was because of my knee, it was a big enough thrill. In the end the worst I did was bruise my shin (a surprisingly deep and large bruise) on the surface of the water. My bro actually jumped off of a waterfall that was easily more than twice the height of my cliff! 

At one point, this guy swam out to near where I was wading and started drowning! I didn’t believe he was serious because I had just seen him swimming perfectly fine. Plus, he was making eye contact with me the whole time and he never made a sound. Was he just joking around? I wasn’t willing to risk my safety for his apparent entertainment. As it turned out, he really was drowning. I came to his aid at the same time as another bystander who hauled the guy to shallow water. The guy never spoke. For the rest of the time that he was there, he was by himself just sitting in knee-deep water and looking around. I later came to find out that he can’t speak English well, but that he can in fact speak. Weirdo.

Florence Falls. I jumped from cliff face on the left; bro, from top of right waterfall

We stopped by the “termite mound graveyard” outside of the park where, again, you should Google your references but there are hundreds of naturally occurring termite mounds. They get pretty tall. Check out the picture! I have no real idea of how long they take to build them but I know it must be time consuming. They are all different and don’t lose their shock value. 

It's like a baby Sycamore!

 Termite mound signage. Looks like we're talking about 50 years in the making...

Lakes Resort Camping Trip

So, one of the amazing things about my job is that I get to plan "excursions" (field trips) and one of the things that most of these girls love to do is camp! This trip was intimate and served as an award for the most deserving students (boys and girls). We only brought 11 girls. Lakes Resort was beautiful and secluded, out bush (which means it was literally out in the bush, or boonies as we'd say in America). I can't find the pictures that I took so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Crocodiles are again a supposed concern here (basically, everywhere there is fresh water) but the water is really nice and clean so I’m hoping they'll be visible if I need to worry. The lake is surrounded by thick borders of high grass and lily pads and these hedges look like prime real estate for a croc stakeout.  I’m aware of the apparent dangers (did I ever tell you my middle name?)…but that didn’t stop me from getting in the water! 

I got the girls out on the lake in canoes that we had to first hoist over our heads and march down a quarter mile of dirt road before dragging them through the sticky muddy bottom in a high, grassy area in order to get to the open water. It was terrifying and a serious adrenaline rush! Haha—I’m not completely reckless though; I made sure the girls went first! Obviously, we survived. And even though we kept our eyes peeled, there were no crocs in sight.

We camped on a large 2nd story deck that was located in the nook of the U-shaped lake. (You know, like where your butt would be if you laid in a hammock.) I had my own tent pitched up there, surrounded by trees and wildlife. I just laid there absorbing where I was and continued to try to grasp the fact that I am in Australia…Never saw this one coming! Loving life’s possibilities.

Wallaby, WallaBYE

I forgot to mention that I ate fried kangaroo my first night here. It was actually surprisingly good. Can’t compare it to much. It was on the chewy side but otherwise looked like a pork chop.

Australians write the date all mixed up: August 27, 2011 = 27/08/11

So, on 27/08/11 at 11:34am, I saw my first wallaby!

Sadly, on 28/08/11 at 7:24am, I killed my first wallaby...

The very first wallaby that I saw in the wild

Well, technically it wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t driving the van that smashed into the three-foot tall bouncing beast, I was just the passenger who felt the destruction and jolting as it was drug under our wheels and trailer. I could have sworn we ran over a steel log for as much jarring as the whole thing caused. It was as dumb as a deer; just hopped right out of the trees and into our front bumper. Maybe they aren’t dumb but it was just a successful suicide attempt?!?! Our bumper broke off and the air filter fell out of the underside of the hood of the van. We were still able to drive, but that wallaby split open and its guts fell out–a speedy death. Oh, and then I saw two huge crocks! They were in the river we drove over and must have been a minimum of ten feet long. There are signs all over the place saying “Don’t swim. It’s not worth your life.” Touche.

Croc warning signs

Respecting Privacy

I just wanted to throw out here that since a majority of my time will be spent working with students, I will want to be very selective about what I post on here. Some things that take place are personal or would be ethically irresponsible of me to share publicly.

That being said, I will selectively omit a lot of things to protect the identity and reputation of certain people/businesses/etc. No big deal, but that probably means less posts. I hope you understand!

First Impressions

The Locals

My first impressions are that the Aboriginal people of Australia aren’t like any other people I’ve ever seen in my life. They are a completely new race of people to me—like Martians. I'm not just speaking about their physical attributes, either. Culturally, I am in for a serious adventure and I am super-excited about it!

It’s almost impossible not to stare. Their skin ranges from a high yellow all the way to the darkest black you can imagine. 

A few of my girls :)

They hardly ever wear shoes (even when playing sports). Pedicures are of NO concern here. Save your money! I’m telling you—If you think your feet are offensive in America, come here to feel good about yourself. Basically, what I'm saying is that Indigenous Australians' feet are to American feet as Miami beach is to bikini wearers; it gives you perspective.

Some feet I sat across from on the public bus

The craziest part isn’t even the depth of their skin tone but that Aboriginal/Indigenous Peoples' hair is a cross between White and American Indian hair. Black people in America would pay insane amounts of cash for this hair! Wash n' go on black skin! I’m still adjusting to it and I see it every single day. They think my fuzzy edges (AKA "kitchens") are beautiful…I’m serious. Confidence booster all around!