Nasty Cane Toads

So, there is some real life story behind these nasty things. Disclaimer: I’m purely going on hearsay (and most people around here lie, exaggerate the truth, and provide unverified information as fact) so Google it for authenticity. 

Cane toads are a species of toad that flood the ground at night and secrete poison from glands on their backs. My understanding is that they were genetically modified specifically to kill off certain snakes in the Southern part of Australia but that their population got out of control and they spread across the continent like wildfire. They now kill everything that attempts to eat them. No bueño. Needless to say, they are in Darwin. Heads up to any serious PETA sympathizers: Don’t read on. 

There are these things called Cane Toad Hunts that people actually get paid to host. Don’t waste your money. There are plenty of them all over the place–just pick your weapon and go to town! I was skeptical at first...then I saw how many of them there are everywhere, how disgusting they are, and how they have no respect for privacy (all up in the bathrooms). That was about the time that I grabbed the 2 x 4 and teed off. From the woooooood, to the wall! Splat. 

Cause of death: gravity

Lots of people will catch and freeze them in their personal freezers but that’s gross and no fun. Plus, they supposedly need to stay in the freezer at least 24 hours or they won’t actually die. If you run over one, it will expel its stomach lining out of its mouth in order to sustain the impact, then suck it back in and go on living. If you run over one and hear a 'pop', then its a goner. They are resilient little things. I’ll give ‘em that. My brother impaled one with a mango and I must say: it was masterful. He used to be a baseball pitcher and it showed.